PART 5 in a weekly 6 PART mini-series here on Planet Zman, entitled: Great Actors, Great Acting

I ask you, what would the bad-guy list be without the late Johnny Sack’s number two man in the NY crime family, the always malevolent, Phil Leotardo (played by my pal, Frankie Vincent). I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Frank for the cover story in the 2006 Winter issue of the national publication, Cigar Magazine™. I flat out told the Jersey City native that I loathed him to no end on the show. He takes that as quite a compliment because it means he’s doing his job well. But when I asked him how he turns it on to become such an evil, heartless prick, the answer was terrific. He says it’s in all the writing. When Vito was surprised by Phil and his goons in the hotel room, they duct taped him and knelt him on the floor as Leotardo sat at the edge of the bed. He looked into the homosexual mobster’s frightened eyes and simply said, “You’re a fuckin’ disgrace.” Frank’s point is that when you’re in that kind of setting, and you utter those life damning words, how else can he sound but evil and heartless? He claims that the writing by Chase and his team is so good, so tight, that all you have to do is say the lines and the character becomes who he was intended to be – and in Frank’s case, a real “rompipalle,” a ball breaker that you love to hate.

Great characters only work if there are great scripts, and with this show there are none better. On the verge of the 80th episode, I surfed through hbo.com and reflected on what I consider to be some of my favorite, as well as the most griping episodes. Number one on mine, and many fans lists is episode 37, from season 3, entitled Pine Barrens. How do you lose a Russian goliath in the deep snowy woods after he’s been beaten and shot in the head? And, other than Paulie’s shoe, that’s not all that was lost. Chris and Mr. Walnuts are astray in the forest, and as nightfall approaches the thought of dying in the cold is a real threat. The arguing is comical as they bed down in an abandoned van and suck on ketchup packets for energy. The scenes were so well done, the acting so superb, I myself was freezing to death right along with those two skibotz’s. By far, in one of the funniest exchanges of dialogue in any episode, Paulie tells Tony on the phone that they are lost and the Russian got away. Tony warns him, “The guy you’re looking for is an ex-commando. He killed sixteen Chechnyan rebels single-handed – he’s with the Interior Ministry.” When Paulie repeats the info back to Chris he says, “He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians… the guy was an interior decorator.” Chris, obviously confused, shrugs his shoulders and says, “His house looked like shit!”

Obviously, there are too many to mention I have to give kudos to a chosen few. Episode 30 in season 3, entitled: Employee of the Month, was centered on the rape of Jennifer Melfi. As the attack was brutally depicted, I remember sitting there with tears streaming from my eyes and my heart pounding through my rib cage. I actually couldn’t talk for several moments. More gripping drama, I have never seen. Melfi knows if she tells Tony what happened, her assailant will be removed from the world quicker and bloodier than he originally arrived in. But her conscience will not go to the dark side, and even though Tony presses, she keeps the event to herself. In season 4, Who Ever Did This, features a saddened Anthony who beats Ralphie to a bloodied pulp because of the death of Pie Oh My, in perhaps the most intense fight scene over the eight years. Season 5, Irregular Around the Margins is where Tony and Adrianna almost make a connection, and he flips his SUV in the wee hours of the morning. Chris, believing that Tony shtooped his fiancé, threatens him in a drunken rage and is dragged down a back road and almost executed if not for the quick thinking of cousin Tony Blundetto. While Big T. held his gun to his nephew’s skull, I’m pretty sure I lost my bodily functions at that very moment. Then there was White Caps, from season 4, where Tony buys Carm a beach house, but his ex-goomara, that little Rooskie minx, Irina, puts on the kibosh as she calls Carmella and tells her of their affair. The acting and the exchange between Carm and Tony was perhaps the finest I have ever seen. The screaming, the crying, and Tony putting his fist through the wall… man oh man, I get goose bumps just remembering it.

Stay tuned for PART 6: Onion Rings and the Final Curtain.

PART 4 in a weekly 6 PART mini-series exclusively here on Planet Zman, entitled: Character Assassins

Great character development has always been critical to this show, but Chase will be the first one to say that’s it’s the actors that make them who they are. And, like in real life, he mixes it up with multiple character types; some you love, some you loathe, and then there are the schmucks who always seem to get shit on. Chase admits that he couldn’t conceive anyone else in this world other than James Gandolfini as Anthony Soprano, and who could possibly argue that? He’s the manic-depressive, yet lovable Don, who can swing a mighty right hook and a mean chain of sausage links. Tony could shove a guy’s head in a meat grinder, then five minutes later hand Carmella a big bouquet of flowers (D.N.A. still fresh on his mitts) and we instantly forgive the lug.

Sil, Chris and Paulie may be hardened criminals – but if only we could hang with them for a couple of fun-filled days. Dr. Jennifer Melfi has been Tony’s saving grace lo these many years. She’s an innately good person who possesses a great sense of balance and a nice set of gams. But the Soprano relationship has opened up deep scars in her own personal life, leaving us all to ask the important question: “And, how does that make you feel?” And who could forget our favorite Naples import, the pony-tailed tough-guy, Furio Giunta. Not only did he make a mean Buffalo Mozzarella, but he came oh so close to filling Carmella’s cannoli. Oofah!

Then there are the schmucks – the sappy characters that can’t help but being anything but annoying douche bags. Father Phil – now there’s a real fart bag. He mooches gourmet meals for free as he swoons the mob wives with theological mumbo jumbo, and once, while in a liquored-up stupor, almost adulterated himself with none other than Carmella. Meadow’s ex-beau Finn was a highbrow ass-wipe who snubbed his nose at her inconceivable background. Little Carmine couldn’t run the fucking dishwasher, let alone a New York organized crime family. And of course, least we forget Artie Bucco, restaurateur, and Tony’s childhood pal. Artie sure makes a great veal saltimbocca, but he’s a drip of a husband, a lousy businessman, and one boring and inane conversationalist. The poor bastard has gotten beat by several shysters, but always comes back for more. Stunad!

On the flip side, there are characters that have caused you and me to curse at our screens with seething animus. The top of the list starts with none other than Livia Soprano, the mom who was as much fun to be around as an undertaker on oxycotton. The original Debbie Downer, this frau could have made Santa Claus want to smother her in her sleep. Of course, her daughter Janice benefited from all that childhood nurturing and unconditional love…NOT! I think more people want Janice to get whacked than anyone else on the show. Then there was Richie Aprille – just a no good, evil piece of garbage – an angry misfit that couldn’t even fit in with the Mafia, for crissakes. Tell me you weren’t dishin’ out the high fives when Janice popped a cap in his ass. Of course, young AJ has zero respect for others and even less for himself. And, what about Ralphie Cifaretto, remember that cockroach? He set fire to the barn that killed his and Tony’s beloved racehorse, Pie Oh My. I think he looked his personal best when his severed head was stuck into a bowling ball bag.