Since you’ve landed on this website, it means that there’s a 99% chance that you are of the male species. So the question is – Do you think of yourself as a “Man’s Man?” You probably already consider yourself in that company, but how can you “really” tell for sure? Well, the Zman has come up with a self-examination quiz that will accurately measure your levels of testosterone, guy thoughts, and man sweat.

It’s the Official Planet Zman Manly Man Quiz

The following 35 questions have been technically researched and verified for authenticity. So give us your answers fair and square, and see what kind of guy you really are. How much testosterone is in your tank? Lets find out, shall we?…

1. Have you seen the movies Slap Shot, Red Dawn, Weird Science, Clerks, Lost Boys, or High Plains Drifter in any combined order a total of 20 times?

2. Do you ever find yourself saying “Go get your f@#king shine box” at the most inappropriate times?

3. Have you smoked a cigar during a game of Texas Hold ‘Em anytime in the past 2 weeks?

4. Do you know who the team with the most victories in Monday Night Football history is?

5. Do you laugh aloud every time the giant rack of ribs flips the Flintstones car in the final credits?

6. Have you ever kissed the Stanley Cup?

7. Have you ever drank Budweiser from an ashtray, shoe, or a rubber?

8. Do you religiously head bang to the ending of Bohemian Rhapsody?

9. Do you have a favorite Motorhead song?

10. Have you ever been drilled in the cubes with a street hockey ball?

11. Do you find Paris Hilton a brutally skanky, bizarre, oddity, yet you’d hit it just the same?

12. Are you a normal law abiding good citizen, yet you get off on anyone who is pummeled, maimed, strangled, curbed, or cut up into pieces on the Sopranos?

13. Do you have any sorrow whatsoever for Bill Buckner?

14. Would you stop for a sack of White Castle Sliders even though you were on your way to your mom’s for Thanksgiving dinner?

15. Have you ever given nicknames to any of your farts?

16. Do scenes of John Travolta dressed in drag in the movie Hairspray give you convulsions or seizures?

17. Have you ever spent more than 30 minutes trying to delete pop-up windows during a random porn surf?

18. Three Stooges episode or Obama / Clinton debate?

19. Does the thought of having a Corvette, a Harley, and a Hummer in your driveway make you retard giddy?

20. Do you own more than three humidors?

21. Do you soil yourself each time Col. Jessup barks “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH?”

22. When flipping through TV channels, do you pause each and every time on the Spanish station while trying to convince your significant other that it’s for educational purposes?

23. What do you think is heavier: Trying to figure out the meaning of life or Rosie O’donnell’s lunch bag?

24. Have you ever watched Das Boot and felt bad for the Germans?

25. Should cheeseburgers have their own box in the food pyramid?

26. Do you wish you could be Mikey from American Chopper for just one day?

27. Do you find it to be offensive when a woman displays major rack then covers up when you stare?

28. Do you still get awkwardly tense each time you hear Tommy DeVito ask, “What do you mean, I’m funny?…You mean the way I talk?…What’s funny about it?…What the f@#k is so funny about me? Tell me?”

29. Do you feel Harvey Fierstein should be held accountable for the gerbil shortage in French Guiana?

30. Bill & Ted, Harold & Kumar, or Jay and Silent Bob?

31. If it was ok with your significant other, would War Pigs be your wedding song?

32. Did you swear like a psycho drunken sailor and throw shit at your TV when the screen went to black during the Sopranos finale?

33. If Dr. Phil, Simon Cowell, and David Spade were killed in a mine shaft explosion would your immediate response would be, “huh, looks like rain today.”

34. Do you admit to drinking a glasses of ecoli laden raw eggs after you saw ROCKY for the first time?

35. Who’s on first?

OK, brothers, you’ve done your best. Good luck in your continual quest towards eternal manliness and may God bless your decrepit soul.

By Robin Robinson

Contributing writer and whisky ambassador, Robin Robinson takes us an Part 3 of our journey into the magical land of Scotland and it’s most powerful golden nectar.

OK kids, class is back in session.  Summer’s here and it’s hot, so try to pay attention. Now, if you’ve been following your lessons from Parts I and II, you now know a little about how whisky is made, what its made from, where it comes from and why you should be drinking it.

For you remedial types, go back and review the first lessons before going on.  For our prodigies, apple-polishers and general newbie whisky geeks, you have now been doing extra-curricular work in tasting, mooching and even a little research on your own.  We’re now moving into the big time: buying, appreciating, stocking and entertaining with Scotch whiskies.  Next stop after this: kilts, haggis, bagpipe bands and referring to people as “lads and lasses”…  But first, the basics.

You’ll want to create an initial stock of brands and types of whiskies that reflect the entire range of what Scotland has to offer.  Upon completion of this lesson, you’ll impress the hell out of your friends who thought all you had to offer was beer, Jack Daniels and Johnnie Walker Black (not that there’s anything wrong with them, but it’s a big world out there).  You’ll know what type of whisky comes from what region, what their distinctive qualities are and how they differ.  This is not a matter of what is “better” than another -  rather, its about developing a wider palate of tastes that reflect your new-found knowledge.

Full Disclosure alert: your humble author is the Brand Ambassador of Compass Box Whisky.  They are damn fine whiskies and I’m including them in this list.  You got a problem, take it up with Tommy Z.

For now, you may want to stay away from the cask strength bottlings, and look in the 40% – 46% ABV range (Alcohol By Volume: double this number to get the “proof”).  This will give a good range of complexity in each of the regions without numbing your nose and tongue with the excess alcohol.  Remember, we’re looking for nuance and subtlety, not a lost weekend.

Scotland has 5 distinct regions and each presents a different style of whisky:

The Highlands: the largest land mass of Scotland producing a wide variety of malts, but typically light-bodied in style, clean and crisp, known to have traces of fruit in the nose, wonderfully ethereal and elegant.  Initial age ranges go from 10-15 years in the barrel before bottling.  Some have of light elements of peat and smoke, others have hints of lemon and citrus.  Some have a touch of all of the above.  Brands to look for: Glenmorangie 10 yr.; Dalmore Cigar Malt; Compass Box Oak Cross; Oban, 14 yr; Dalwhinnie 15yr.  A distinct salty entry is Old Pulteney.  Enjoy them with a touch of bottled or spring water to open the nose and reveal the complex aromas.

Speyside: a separate district of the Highlands, it is to Scotland what Manhattan is to New York City: it’s where all the action is.   Of the 90 or so working distilleries in Scotland, around 50 of them are in Speyside.  Speyside whiskies tend to be very complex and heavy, with traces of honey, toffee and dried fruit.  There’s a lot of sherry wood maturation going on here, as well as in bourbon barrels.  You probably know some of the names: Macallan, Balvenie, Glenfiddich, Glenlivet.  Here’s two that are special and not widely known: Glenfarclas and Tomantoul.  Same rules as above: don’t be afraid of a little water to open them, and forget what John Wayne said about drinking your whisky straight as a manly act.  Experiment and let the whisky reveal itself.

Lowlands: very accessible in taste, typically grassy, light and flavorful, a lot of top notes of heather and hay with a drying finish.  There are only 2 remaining working distilleries in this region, (there’s really a third, Bladnoch, but its whiskies aren’t ready for wide distribution yet) the best known being Auchentoshan, one of the last distilleries in Scotland practicing the traditional Lowland style of “triple” distillation.  The other is Glenkinchie.  For a newbie, these may be a good way to start.

The Islands: a wide range of styles, but all will have maritime elements of varying degrees.  The Orkney Islands up north produce Highland Park and Scapa.  Highland Park 12 year may be one of the best under-rated whiskies made, with a light smoke and peat combined with a toffee sweetness.  As we travel to the west, we come across Skye, which produces Talisker, a hardy, spicy and peaty drink.  Think cold, wet winds blowing around you and this being your buffer against them.  Moving down there is Isle of Mull, which produces Tobermory; Isle of Jura and Isle of Arran, each producing a whisky of the same name.  All appreciated more by the experienced drinker.

Islay: Of all the islands, this one gets the most attention (its pronounced “eye-lah”).  There are only 2 things God gave this island: rock and peat.  From it, Islay produces some of the most distinctive and robust whiskies on the planet.  The “big peats” are Laphroaig 10yr, Lagavullin 16yr, Bowmore 10yr, Ardbeg 10yr and Caol Ila 12yr (pronounced “ka-lee-la”).  These produce smoky, peaty whiskies that have high phenolic content (meaning that there are a lot of medicinal and sulphury traces to the aromas).  Lot’s of maritime influence, but with great subtleties of fruits and citrus, bacon smoke and chocolate.  Each distillery produces a unique flavor, but newcomers may want to approach these with caution, as they are not the most accessible.  Unique on the island is Bunnahabhain which produces a gentle, ethereal spirit in its 12yr and 18yr expressions, with a crisp, maritime influence and very little if any peat.  The most innovative distillery in all of Scotland, however, may be Bruichladdich (pronounced “brook-lahdie”), where master distiller Jim McEwan continues to create an entire range of expressions from gentle to monsters (seemingly on a weekly basis).  Speaking of monsters, don’t forget to include Compass Box’s Peat Monster in the list.  John Glaser composes a beautiful balance of Caol Ila, Laphroig and Ardmore (from Speyside) to make a surprisingly accessible yet complex dram.  (What a great plug, huh?)

Last is the Kintyre peninsula district of Cambelltown, down at the foot of it that once contained more distilleries than you can shake a shiel at.  Now there are only 3: Springbank, (which also produces Longrow and Hazelton), Glengyle and Glen Scotia.  You definitely want to pick up a Springbank 10yr first, a nicely complex malt good for newbies and whisky drinkers alike.

Ok, this is about getting you started.  Pick one whisky from each region mentioned and pour yourself a wee dram (about a shot’s worth).  Swirl it, sniff it, take it in and chew on it, let the finish of the spirit sit in your mouth before speaking.  Remember, Scotch whisky’s greatest contribution is in getting you to slow down and take your time, allow it to work with you and for you, revealing its mysteries.  Don’t rush it, but don’t over-dramatize it either, otherwise we’ll have to send you into a 12-step program for Whisky Snobs (“Hi, I’m Robin and its been 7 weeks since I last looked down my nose at someone”).  Consider this your summer homework assignment.  Start practicing now, and when class is back in session – hey, I’ve got real work to do – we’ll talk about what it is you’ve discovered and how best to increase your enjoyment of Scotland’s liquid miracles.  Class dismissed.

Robin Robinson is the Brand Ambassador for Compass Box Whisky, a line of hand-crafted, artisanal Scotch whiskies created by John Glaser. Robin first came upon single malt Scotch whiskies in 1984 when he faked his way through hosting a Scotch whisky dinner for a bunch of Park Avenue swells while knowing absolutely nothing about the subject he was talking about. After cleaning off the tar and feathers, he bought his first single malt Scotch and a love affair was born. Since then, Robin has cast a wary eye on anyone calling themselves an “expert”. He edits the whisky blog www.onemalt.com.

Compass Box Whisky can be found at www.compassboxwhisky.com and in fine spirits stores near you.

T-Shirts With Attitude! Two Designs to Choose…

Scroll down and check out the release of my first two designs. That’s right, guys, I designed these myself! Know any smoke Nazi’s you’d like to impress? Well, this is the sure way into their hearts. These shirts make a statement, letting the world know that they’ll have to pry my precious cigars from my icy, cold, dead fingers!

DESIGN… So what will it be for you… NICE ASH… or SMOKE THIS? Or hey, help me feed my kids and buy both! These are high quality shirts with high quality printing where the ink bonds with the material so they won’t fade and look like crap after a few washings!

SIZES… These colorful garments come in two manly sizes of XTRA LARGE and 2XL. If you need a smaller size, well, then I’d say that you haven’t ingested enough red meat or pounded enough libations my good friend.

SHIRT PRICE… $14.99 plus $4.99 for shipping – That’s $19.98 for a shirt that kicks total ASH!

PAYMENT METHODS… Hey man, I just got off the ground and until I have the official store up and running, I can only accept checks and money orders. And I really have no use for your right leg or your first born.

LARRY WINGET, NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLING AUTHOR SHOWS OFF HIS NICE ASH!

SEND YOUR PAYMENT TO… Tommy Zarzecki @ One Mackenzie Lane . Oak Ridge . NJ . 07438 . Make sure you include your size and email me for shipping costs if you want multiple shirts. Thanx so much to all of you, I really appreciate the support more than you can imagine!

MAKE SURE YOU EMAIL ME BEFORE YOU SEND PAYMENT SO I CAN PUT YOUR SHIRTS ASIDE!

COMING SOON… Pretty soon I’ll have a real live Planet Zman store link featuring other great manly designs for Poker & Casino, Golf, Whisky, Fishing, Gun Owners, Sports, Barbecue, Cougars… damn!

Exclusive Stadium Photos by Darren Proctor

Tiger Stadium, one of the most revered and nostalgic parks in all of professional sport has finally seen it’s sad demise. For nearly a century, the ballpark at the corner of Michigan and Trumbull was home to the American League’s Tigers, and on September 27, 1999, held it’s final nine-inning match.

My “Buddy” and PlanetZman fan extraordinaire, Darren Proctor lives in the Detroit area and recalls going to games with his dad as far back as he can remember. As James Earl Jones said in the movie, Field of Dreams, “The memories are so thick that they’ll have to brush them away from their faces.” A couple of days ago, Darren, his brother and sister drove past the site as it is going through the final stages of demolition and found it to be an eerie and almost tearful experience. “I just took out my camera and started to shoot,” says Darren. “I didn’t realize how incredible the shots would turn out. It was so surreal where words can’t even describe it.”

While we all love the new modern stadiums with the comfort, amenities, and site lines that we have never had the likes of before, it’s the stadiums of old that tear at our heartstrings and bring us back to our youth within the blink of an eye. Growing up in the New York metro area, I had the pleasure to experience New York Rangers games at the “old” Madison Square Garden. Also saw many a ball game at Yankee Stadium, Shea, and Jersey City’s onetime gem, Roosevelt Stadium, home to minor league’s baeball’s Jersey Giants. My dad has great stories of watching the likes of Monte Irvin and Jackie Robinson take to the field.

So hats off to Darren for capturing a rare moment of history. The photos are incredible, indeed. He set a sepia tone filter to get that amazing nostalgic look, and his sister shot the one at the bottom in color.

Tiger Stadium, the onetime home to Hank Greenberg, Denny McLain, Mickey Lolich, Kirk Gibson, Al Kaline and Alan Trammel, will live in the hearts of Detroit fans forever, and this is one amazing farewell to an old friend of the motor city, and baseball fans everywhere.

-Zman