There are some things that scare the absolute living Shineola out of us guys, but like true masochists, we just can’t seem to get enough of it. Some love vomit inducing roller coasters while others enjoy tying thin pieces of cord to their ankles, hurling themselves from five story high railroad bridges. But for the past twenty-one years, millions have tuned to cable’s Discovery Channel to get ravaged and brutalized by the man-eating kings of the deep during the infamous and highly rated Shark Week!

Sharks are devastatingly frightening predators that will make a meal of your torso in seconds, yet we adore these wretched beasts. We love watching some psycho with a camera floating in an underwater cage while a twenty-foot great white attempts to make a pre-dinner snack out of the crazed photographer. Why sharks are so popular, I’m not sure, but back in 1973, that little film entitled Jaws put a fear in people like nothing else before. I was 13 at the time and I don’t think I took a shower for the next two weeks after that flick, because I was so afraid to go near the water. I remember being light on friends during that little time period for some reason as well.

Discovery Channel debuts it’s 22st season of Shark Week and the network is ready for their annual ratings boost. Last year opening night drew 42 million viewers and it is always one of Discovery’s most anticipated events of the year. “It’s a summertime ritual,” claims Discovery president, John Ford. “People are endlessly fascinated by sharks. There’s a lot of variety, they’re fascinating creatures, and also they scare us.”

“The relationship between sharks and humans is a rich topic,” Ford continues. “There’s always something new to find out about sharks – why they attack, what they eat, and how to avoid an attack.”

I’m sure they’d love a paunchy Polak to snack on, so I really would like to stay clear of their whereabouts. Plus, I’m completely full of roast beef, ribs, burgers and snacks, so any damned shark who nails me is basically getting the Royale Polish Buffet! But I really think how to avoid an attack is pretty simple: Stay the f@#k out of waters where they inhabit! Even a stupid bastid whose family originated just west of Warsaw can figure that one out. Jeez.

Here’s the official lineup for you Hammerheads, straight from Discovery’s website…

www.sharkweek.com

The week kicks off with a two hour hair-raising special about the true story behind Jaws. During the week, Survivorman, Les Stroud, takes viewers on a quest around to the world to find the hottest of shark hotspots. Also, specialists, historians and personal accounts reveal the complexities of shark behavior and bring to light the Great White, the oceans most mysterious and dangerous shark of all! Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

Blood In the Water – 2 hour premiere!
Sunday, August 2 at 9 p.m. ET/PT

The true story behind the bloody shark attacks of 1916 that inspired the movie “Jaws.” A 9 foot long shark cruises just off the New Jersey beaches. For centuries its ancestors have done exactly the same. But today there’s unusual company. Swimming in the sea has recently become popular amongst a species the shark has never encountered in his world before: human beings. For the shark it’s a novel feeding opportunity. For the humans it’s the beginning of a new relationship between themselves and the ocean, terrifying and fascinating in equal measure. It’s the first multiple shark attack in American history, and the reason we fear sharks to this day.
Check out a sneak peek of Blood In The Water.

Deadly Waters
Monday, August 3 at 9 p.m. ET/PT
Survivorman’s Les Stroud is back for more nail biting – shark chomping action, and this time, he’s taking on the deadliest waters around the world. His quest is simple – which water is the deadliest? Starting from historical data from the Florida Museum Of Natural History’s famed “Shark Attack Files”, Les will begin his journey to test the waters in the world’s sharkiest “hotspots”. Les will work with a team of experts to compound the “count-down” format as he circumnavigates the globe to initiate a series of intense immersive experiments in an effort to determine why the waters are among the deadliest on Earth!

Day of the Shark 2
Monday, August 3 at 10 p.m. ET/PTSee what happens in this harrowing hour, when a great white breaks through a 300-pound aluminum shark cage and traps the divers inside. Another shark tackles a former Navy Seal in shallow waters off the coast of St. Petersburg, Florida. And a bull shark invades a spear-fishing trip in the Bahamas. When you’re a visitor in the vast and complex ocean, any day could be the “Day of the Shark.”

Sharkbite Summer
Tuesday, August 4 at 9 p.m. ET/PT
The bite-by-bite account of America’s notorious “Summer of the Shark” in 2001. Were the Ocean’s apex predators really taking back America’s shores? Sharkbite Summer revisits the attack sites and — using news archive, interviews with victims, witnesses, surgeons, family members and shark experts — builds an exact picture of the bloody summer of 2001.
Check out a sneak peek of Sharkbite Summer.

Great White Appetite
Wednesday, August 5 at 9 p.m. ET/PT
The Great White is one of the most of the most feared predators on earth as well as one of it’s most efficient hunters. The Great White Shark patrols the shores of more than fifty percent of the world’s inhabited coastlines, and yet, besides the fact that they’ve killed hundreds of people, we know almost nothing about them. Its incredible appetite is more of a mystery than anything else about the shark. Remarkably, scientists don’t have any accurate data on the Great White’s population, mating, traveling or even what drives their feeding behavior. Observe first hand the experiments that let us uncover the Great Whites unique eating habits. We will travel the globe, stopping at three major Great White feeding grounds – Seal Island, South Africa; Adelaide, Australia and Guadalupe Island, Mexico and administer incredibly visual experiments in an effort to answer this and many other fascinating questions!

Shark After Dark
Thursday, August 6 at 9 p.m. ET/PT
Sharks are most aggressive and most active in the dark, but the fact is, we know very little else about the nocturnal nature of these creatures. Now, armed with the latest in infrared thermography cameras and night vision technology, a team of divers travels around the world, and descends into the sharks dangerous after-dark hunting grounds. Their goal is to learn more about how Great Whites, Six-Gills, and Tiger Sharks behave after the sun goes down.

That’s right, stogiphiles and brothers of the leaf -  for two days – September 18 and 19 2009, the Midwest Cigar Summit, one of the finest cigar get-togethers on God’s great earth, makes its triumphant return to the land Bulls, Bears, Cubs, Sox, and Hawks.

In just a few short years, the event has grown from a small gathering of friends, to a full blown cigar smoking happy-fest! This year the festivities will takes place at Jimmy’s Bar, who’s famous beer garden is the perfect venue for a gathering of this size which could reach four to five-hundred lovers of the leaf.

Event organizer and grand poobah, Lucas Woith is genuinely excited about this year’s smoke-a-thon. “Every year just gets better and better with the Summit, and this one will be the finest, by far,” says Luke. “Great vendors, incredible cigars, and all the wonderful people who come make this the greatest time of the year for me.”

Cigar Rights of America will be on hand at the Summit to tell you about their group, which is the only of it’s kind in the country.   You’ll be able to sign up to be a member, and help the fight against oppressive smoking bans and tobacco taxes.

Find out more about the Summit, how you can attend, directions and lodging, contact:

info@midwestcigarsummit.com

2009 Midwest Cigar Summit
Jimmy’s Bar
2801 W. Peoria, Illinois
Friday, September 18    from 5 to 10 pm
Saturday, September 19, from Noon – 10pm.

http://www.midwestcigarsummit.com