Hey Gabbagool…yeah, I’m talkin’ to you. I got a rib recipe that’ll knock your freakin’ head into the next room. These sons of bitches are so sweet, so tender, so juicy and tasty that I had to whack my neighbor just to get the secret recipe from him. But since you came all the way to Jersey just to see me, I’ll let ya take a look – but don’t tell nobody…capeesh?

All right, I’m full of it. It’s actually my neighbor’s Sal & Carol’s own recipe. You see, we’ve been going to parties at their house for years and when they serve these ribs, everyone goes absolutely insane over them. A platter the size of Rosie Odonnell’s housecoat will disappear in minutes with the crowd begging for more. I’ve never tasted a sauce like this, anywhere, and could never put my finger on it. The flavor is intoxicating and I just had to get the lowdown. So last July fourth we had them over the house, they brought the ribs, and Carol was in a sharing mood and divulged her deep secret recipe to me. And since I am a hell of a guy, I’ll be a real mamaluke and share it with youz guys, too.

The Recipe…
I’ll start by letting you know that it’s not a traditional bbq sauce we use, but a base of molasses and brown sugar. You’re going to slow-cook these bad boys, using both the oven and your grill. Yeah, it’s a little bit of work, but I’d like to consider it a labor of love. Trust me, ya chooch.

Start with a nice rack of baby back ribs. (The Zman is always partial to a nice rack.)
Then we make a rub – Paprika, garlic powder, salt & pepper, cumin, and oregano.
Then we make the sauce –
Molasses – 1/4 cup
Brown sugar – 2 1/2 cups
Ketchup – 1/2 cup
Mustard – 1 tablespoon
Chinese Sweet and Sour Sauce – 2 packets (Go rip ‘em off from Chan’s up the Street)
Soy Sauce – 1 tablespoon
Worcestershire Sauce – 1 tablespoon
Fresh Garlic – 3 – 5 (cloves depending on your love for garlic) thinly sliced
Red Pepper Flakes – 1/2 teaspoon

Place the ingredients into a pot and onto the stove top, stir and bring it to a boil. Turn down the heat and just let it simmer.

Take your rub and coat both sides of the meat evenly.
Place the rack on a cookie sheet, uncovered – and put it in the oven for one hour set at 225.
After an hour, cover it with foil and pop it back in for another  2 hours. This lets it get all steamy in there as it slow-cooks in it’s own juices.

Ok, brutha, you’re ready for the grill. Set it to a medium flame and let the grill top heat up.

Place the rack on the grill top for a few minutes on each side until they get golden brown.

Now it’s time to brush on that sauce with a nice consistency.

Place the ribs back onto the grill again for only a couple of minutes, both sides – until the sauce starts to bubble and caramelize. The outside should get slightly charred and nice and crispy.

After you cut them up, you can pour the remainder of the sauce over the meat while it’s still hot.

And that’s it, my brother. North Jersey Style Killer Ribs to impress the hell out of Paulie, Christopher, Silvio, and Tony. And if Johnny Sacks and Phil Leotardo want some, don’t act like a douche bag – just give ‘em their cut. We don’t want no trouble over here.

Oofah! – Z

By Larry Winget

Best selling author Larry Winget has a new book and it’s not only his best work to date – it’s the most important book you might ever read. Yeah, those are some pretty strong words and rightfully so. But today, his message is very black & white.

Some of you have really had your blood pressure soar about my black and white approach to self-improvement, finances, parenting and life in general. You have pointed out that there are several areas that really are gray when it comes to life. No kidding? Thanks for pointing that out to me. I had NO IDEA that was the case. How could I know that? I have never had a problem or faced with a challenge. I have never raised teenagers, had money issues, been married or divorced, held a job, managed people, driven down the street, eaten out, bought anything, had a bill, or had to make a tough decision. Never. None of those things. I have lived a completely sheltered life in a cave blessed with only positive thoughts and outcomes. I have attracted all of my success through The Secret and The Law Of Attraction. I have never had a real life facing all of the things real people face and I honestly had no idea that life had any gray areas.

Come on folks, I know life if full of gray areas. It’s just that I think we have all become way too comfortable living in those gray areas. Gray areas used to be little tiny corners we could escape to in order to justify our stupid actions and results. Now the gray areas are everywhere! Our homes, our businesses, our government, our society, our grocery stores, in our books, and all over our televisions. Our leaders spew gray and drape it red, white and blue. Things are so gray that when someone actually draws a line and paints one side black and the other side white, it bothers the hell out of people! We have become comfortable and embraced the gray areas way too much and shied away from the uncomfortable realities of black and white. I want people to begin to think more in terms of black and white. Right or wrong. Good or bad. People need to understand they are either doing enough or they aren’t doing enough. We need to recognize we are either giving our best or we aren’t. You are either on the way, or you are in the way. You are either living within your means or you aren’t.  It’s either the truth or it’s a lie.

It’s easier to live in the black and white world. That’s why I am so confused by those who love the gray area so much. When faced with a decision, you just make it quickly based on whether it is the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do. You don’t have to wallow in it, meditate on it, study it, consider it, hold a focus group, or take a vote. You DO the right thing.

Why? Because you can. All it takes is some guts. A backbone. A pair.

You will be criticized for it. Trust me, I know. Who cares? You will be given grief at work for kissing up by doing your job when others are slacking. Tell them to kiss off. Your friends will give you crap about being too tough on your kids. They will laugh at you for saying no to spending money when you know you can’t afford it. They will ridicule you for not taking the easy road when you know you should take the right road. Those people are not your friends, dump them. Now. And never look back.

Do the right thing in your life every time to the best of your ability. You won’t be perfect at it. I’m certainly not. I mess up every day and slip and slide around in the gray area, just like everyone else. But every day, I remind myself I can do a little better; take more of a stand for what I know is right and take action on it. That’s all it takes: a decision to do it, a willingness to take action, the humility to admit you aren’t doing your best, the honestly to confront yourself for it, and the willingness to keep on doing what you know is right regardless of the consequences.

Yep, that’s it: it’s black or white.

Visit Larry’s website @ www.larrywinget.com

Larry’s new book is available at all the major bookstores and online retailers.

By Izzy Jaecks

For those of you guys who love the loaf but don’t cook, Izzy Jaecks brings us a recipe that even a primate could make…

Because everything’s better with bacon, a recipe to put a smile on that grizzly face…

I don’t cook beyond heating things.  I don’t even have a grill (or anywhere to use one) so if something is easy enough to ME to make, it’s easy enough for just about anyone to make.  There is almost no measuring to this, and I came up with the recipe just walking around the grocery store trying to think what would be good in meatloaf…. I call it “whole meal” because adding spinach and oatmeal make this a pretty balanced meal all in itself (I like one dish meals).  So I present my Stupid-Proof, Whole Meal Meatloaf:

2 lbs ground beef

1 can chopped tomatoes, mostly drained

8 oz fresh mushrooms, chopped

10 oz package of frozen spinach (thawed…)

3 raw eggs

1 packet soup mix

2 cups “old fashioned” oatmeal

And of course, the very best part of all… one entire package of delicious bacony flavored bacon!

The proportions are what you can find pre-packaged, and even the oatmeal you can just toss in a couple handfuls instead of measuring exactly. Mix it all together in no particular order, stuff it into a bread pan, weave bacon strips across the top and bake it for about an hour and a half at 375.  If there is any leftover mix that didn’t fit into the bread pan, just fry it up like a burger patty.

Variations:   use different kinds of ground meat – turkey, veal, pork… add cheese…

Trust me, you won’t need ketchup, it’s awesome all by itself—and DAMN it’s great as leftovers and sandwiches with some melted cheddar. After I make it I cut it up, chuck it into the freezer, and take pieces to work for lunch. Hey, I’d share some with your guys, but the Zman just devoured the whole pan full!

- Izzy

By Tommy Z.

Our very own Tommy Z reminisces about the plight of the Man’s Man. A while back, our fearless leader sat with tough-guy actor and Sopranos star Frank Vincent for his views on the subject.

I remember way back to when I was a very young child, my dad used the term “Man’s Man.” He spoke of guys like Sinatra, Bogart and Charlton Heston, Unitas, YA Tittle, Dimaggio, Mantle, Gordie Howe and Bobby Hull. They were “real” men – guys with character who exuded masculinity and had a certain edge about them. Back then it was definitely cool and you were looked up to if you embodied these qualities. But over the years, the politically correct do-gooders of society have almost forcefully eradicated this term and category of the male species. The great fear is that groups of people who do not fit that type of image such as effeminate men or homosexuals, geeks, nerds, and pocket calculator carrying brainiacs will feel excluded and take great offense – God knows, we just can’t have that. And one of the newest terms in our society coined by British journalist, Mark Simpsom is the much talked about metrosexual. On salon.com in July of 2002, Simpson was quoted as saying, “The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis — because that’s where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference.”

Wow… this is the new cool? WTF happened to “Ah’ll be bock?”

The near extinction of the Man’s Man is a direct result of the agenda ridden crusaders of P.C. If it offends just one person, let’s give it the broad-brush treatment so that everyone can be happy and gay! I for one am sick of this mentality and was driven by an inner calling to stand up in the name of Men’s Men everywhere (kind of like when your sack is ready to bust because you have to pee really bad in the middle of the night). With all this talk of metrosexuals and the Queer Eye perspective, Men’s Men have become relegated to fourth-class citizenship facing certain extinction – that is, if we don’t stand up and make ourselves be heard.

One bona fide “real” man who whole-heartedly agrees with me wrote a book on the subject. Tough guy actor Frank Vincent, (the infamous Billy Batts in Goodfellas who told Joe Pesci to go home and get his fuckin’ shinebox, Casino, Raging Bull, and most recently psycho bastard, Phil Leotardo, Johnny Sack’s #2 man in the Sopranos) released a literary classic that should be owned by every living, breathing fan of this blog. ‘A Guy’s Guide to Being a Man’s Man’ is a fun, informative, and often times tongue-in-cheek look at what it takes for a guy to be a part of this esteemed classification. A while back I sat down with Frank for lunch and cigars and we talked about his theories behind the book.

I asked Frank point blank, what is the definition of the quintessential man’s man: “It’s a man who has dignity and respect – especially respect for women,” he noted, “And, he also displays the qualities of honor and loyalty. He must have self-respect and respect for others. Those are the assets that make up a real man’s man.”

One thing that Frank and I agree upon is that you don’t have to smoke cigars, drink, curse, surf porn sites or participate in dwarf-tossing competitions in order to be considered a real man (although, those activities do tend to heighten the testosterone levels significantly). There’s no requirement to know the lyrics to the Monty Python Lumberjack Song, and you need not physically transform yourself from the 98-pound weakling into the Charles Atlas prototype, as in the old comic book advertisements. So what then? Quite simply, it is more about an attitude – the way you think and the way you carry yourself. It’s really about who you are inside.

Guys – I say it’s time we show an outward pride in being real men. I really mean it. I say enough is enough, to the suffocating stranglehold of political correctness and those who perpetuate its inherent dangers. We have the constitutional right to speak our minds freely without persecution. If you don’t believe in same sex marriage that does not instantly qualify you as a queer hating homophobe. It makes you a person who has his own set of beliefs and choices. If you want to hunt, fish or wear a fur hat, it does not make you a murderer. If you want to surf the internet for porno sites, well, just make sure your history cache is deleted afterwards. (Those pop-up windows certainly do get a little hairy at times.) And if you choose to sit around all day Sunday in your underwear, watching football, scratching your boys, and sucking down Busch Light in cans… well, your wife is right – you are a lazy goddamned bastard. But gently remind her that it still doesn’t make you a homophobe.

Being Men’s Men doesn’t mean acting like sex-crazed, beer-swilling, Homer Simpson-esque Barbarians. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Like Frank Vincent says, it’s about self-respect, honor and loyalty. And I’d say those are some pretty admirable qualities. I asked Frank, what final words he had for all the politically correct zealots who demand that we conform to their mediocre, metrosexual, smoke free, low-carb, un-opinionated, off-white, milquetoast world? He just smiled and said, “Very simple; do YOUR thing – but PLEASE show some tolerance and let other people do THEIR thing. Mind your own business and whatever you do; don’t infringe on my space.”

Well put my friend. I’ll light up a Hoyo Excaliber on that note.

And remember… If guns kill people, then spoons made Rosie O’donnell fat.

- ZMAN

Some of you may think that Jason Vorhees of Friday the Thirteenth fame, was the orginator of the hockey mask. Well, puck breath, that ain’t quite right. You see, it was actually a French Canadian by the name of Jacques Plante, who first donned a goaltenders face mask on November 1, 1959. And this Sunday marks the 50th anniversary since Plante debuted his facial ware – and quite the coincidence, it was exactly one day after Halloween.

Goalies didn’t wear masks back in that time, but the man they referred to as Jake the Snake , was about to change NHL history. Just three minutes into a game against the New York Rangers at Madison Square Garden, Plante’s face was sliced open with an Andy Bathgate wristshot, delaying the game for 21 minutes as the Habs netminder lay on the ice in a pool of his own blood. After a trip to the locker room and a bunch of gnarly stitches, he returned to the ice, astonishing both fans and the players. And even more astonishing, the goaltender finished the game with a 3-1 victory over the Rangers.

It’s simply amazing that goalies of that era who faced beasts like Gordie Howe and Bobby Hull didn’t wear face and head protection. Plante and other names like Terry Sawchuck, Johnny Bower,  Glenn Hall, Eddie Johnston, and Gump Worsley may just have been the toughest and most fearless sons of bitches in all of sport.

Back in the 60’s, goalies started to slowly adopt the idea of a mask as a part of their equipment, even though they were crude fiberglass plates with eye holes and straps. Today’s masks are made of carbon fiber space-age material designed by engineers, with the sole purpose of stopping a cruise missile. And with guys Alex Ovetchkin on the ice, that just may be a really good idea.

Read some truly great stuff about the late Jacques Plante and this historic anniversary in sport at the NHL’s official website.

CLICK HERE>NHL.com/Jacques Plante

- ZMAN

By Izzy Jaecks

It’s a fact that All REAL guys love sports cars. Well, here’s some proof that a fast set of wheels can tune up the human engine…

I don’t need to be a plastic surgeon to appreciate a naked woman, and I don’t need to be a mechanic to appreciate the power of my car.

I love my car.  It’s not the newest, and right now it’s not at its shiniest, but at nearly 200,000 miles it’s still fast… really fast.  Brand new and stock, it clocked 0-60 in 6.7 seconds with a top speed of 143 mph.  I’ve not tested it 0-60, but I have taken it up to 110 mph… under controlled conditions of course… and I’m sticking to THAT story… I also like to amuse my mechanic by coming up to the service desk before being called, not because I can see that they are done with my car but because I can HEAR that they are done with my car because I recognize the sound instantaneously.

When price is not a factor, if given a choice between fast-and-shiny and moderate-and-modest, your average guy is going to go for the fast and shiny every time. And now, science agrees.

Researchers at Canada’s John Molson School of Business at Concordia University in Montreal tested testosterone levels in 39 men, first after they drove an old Toyota Camry and then after driving a Porsche 911, and shock of all shocks, every single one of them had a dramatic increase in testosterone while driving the Porsche.  To further prove it was the car and not just perceptions of the car, each driver and each car was tested after driving up and down an empty street and up and down a street filled with women. Studies didn’t say if the women were hot, but the testosterone levels were not affected by whether or not the men were being watched while driving.

You would need a significantly larger and more diverse test group than a mere 39 college-aged men to be considered “truly” scientific, but when a test this size is unanimous, it’s a damned good start towards being considered “fact”. I don’t know if it matters that the school shares its name with a mainstream Canadian beer though… would it be less scientific if it were conducted by an American school named “Bud”?  Hard to say… but whether or not science like this will win Nobel prizes, the results are not even remotely surprising.

Psychology would probably say that this has something to do with looking good and impressing the women-folk, but I think this has more to do with satisfying the latent, primeval hunter in all guys.  Looking good might attract the chicks, but speed and strength brings home the steaks… and I don’t care how much you like sex, but you can live a lot longer without sex than you can without food (no matter how hard that is to believe…)

So, now you can argue that it is good for the both of you for you to own a fast car… it’s Viagra on wheels!  And science backs it up…

Now, if only science could find—and eliminate – the gene that makes women want to buy shoes…

- IZZY

Football and cigars are indeed, a very manly combination.

Cigar loving Washington Redskins fans can now enjoy the ultimate smoking experience while watching their favorite team at the elegant new Montecristo Club, which recently opened at Fed Ex Field. The Montecristo Club is Washington DC’s largest cigar lounge and the only one in America to be located in a football stadium.

Located on Fed Ex Field’s exclusive Club Level, the lounge accommodates over 1,000 guests. Spacious and warmly welcoming, the beautiful Montecristo Club features plush leather chairs, a full bar, flat panel TV’s for
football viewing and a stellar selection of Altadis U.S.A. premium cigars including Montecristo, H. Upmann,
Romeo y Julieta, Trinidad, and many more.

The Montecristo Club is the only place where smoking is permitted in the stadium. It was created to offer
enthusiasts a smoker-friendly, luxury destination for enjoying their favorite cigars while watching the game.
The Montecristo Club will also accommodate tailgaters in the Fed Ex Field parking lot where Montecristo girls
will be on hand in golf carts selling Altadis U.S.A. cigars.

Publishers Note: I hope there’s a lot of mirrors in that gorgeous club… ’cause the Red Skins are gonna need that and some smoke to win a few games this season. But at least they have the good people of Altadis to thank for saving their season.

For more information, contact Janelle Rosenfeld at (954) 938-7837 or jrosenfeld@altadisusa.com
www.altadisusa.