By Izzy Jaecks

It’s a fact that All REAL guys love sports cars. Well, here’s some proof that a fast set of wheels can tune up the human engine…

I don’t need to be a plastic surgeon to appreciate a naked woman, and I don’t need to be a mechanic to appreciate the power of my car.

I love my car.  It’s not the newest, and right now it’s not at its shiniest, but at nearly 200,000 miles it’s still fast… really fast.  Brand new and stock, it clocked 0-60 in 6.7 seconds with a top speed of 143 mph.  I’ve not tested it 0-60, but I have taken it up to 110 mph… under controlled conditions of course… and I’m sticking to THAT story… I also like to amuse my mechanic by coming up to the service desk before being called, not because I can see that they are done with my car but because I can HEAR that they are done with my car because I recognize the sound instantaneously.

When price is not a factor, if given a choice between fast-and-shiny and moderate-and-modest, your average guy is going to go for the fast and shiny every time. And now, science agrees.

Researchers at Canada’s John Molson School of Business at Concordia University in Montreal tested testosterone levels in 39 men, first after they drove an old Toyota Camry and then after driving a Porsche 911, and shock of all shocks, every single one of them had a dramatic increase in testosterone while driving the Porsche.  To further prove it was the car and not just perceptions of the car, each driver and each car was tested after driving up and down an empty street and up and down a street filled with women. Studies didn’t say if the women were hot, but the testosterone levels were not affected by whether or not the men were being watched while driving.

You would need a significantly larger and more diverse test group than a mere 39 college-aged men to be considered “truly” scientific, but when a test this size is unanimous, it’s a damned good start towards being considered “fact”. I don’t know if it matters that the school shares its name with a mainstream Canadian beer though… would it be less scientific if it were conducted by an American school named “Bud”?  Hard to say… but whether or not science like this will win Nobel prizes, the results are not even remotely surprising.

Psychology would probably say that this has something to do with looking good and impressing the women-folk, but I think this has more to do with satisfying the latent, primeval hunter in all guys.  Looking good might attract the chicks, but speed and strength brings home the steaks… and I don’t care how much you like sex, but you can live a lot longer without sex than you can without food (no matter how hard that is to believe…)

So, now you can argue that it is good for the both of you for you to own a fast car… it’s Viagra on wheels!  And science backs it up…

Now, if only science could find—and eliminate – the gene that makes women want to buy shoes…

- IZZY