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In an effort to stop heterosexual males across the world from wearing Crocs, men’s website, PlanetZman has declared this, International Punish Men In CROCS Week. The homepage photo shows the festivities already underway in Guam, where local police cane a man whose appalling sense of fashion earns him a well deserved beatdown.

“Somebody needed to step up to the plate and put and end to this footwear faux pas,” claims PlanetZman publisher and creator, Tommy Zarzecki (aka, the Zman). “I am truly sickened by the disregard for manliness in today’s society and I say enough is enough. In almost every civilized country around the world, there is an outcry for justice, and hopefully a week like this will serve it up quickly and painfully.”

Governator, Ahnuld Schwarzenegger’s California was the first U.S. state to back the protest, calling for stricter laws when it comes to male pussification. “I run a state where da girly-men run rampant thru da streets. Crocs were just another step in the corrosion of our great nation, and I am behind Tommy Z. in dis movement, 100%! Get ready Kalifawnia and let da ass-kicking begin!”

Parent company, Crocs, Inc. released a statement that they are saddened by the prejudice that exists behind this movement, and ask Tommy Z. to put an end to the senseless hate. But the Zman has no plans in backing down. “If you own a sack and a dangling part and feel the need to wear those hideous rubber slippers, be prepared for your very own podiatric Pearl Harbor,” says PlanetZman’s Polish kommandant, from his northern New jersey headquarters. “With Sex in the City and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, men have been emascualted to a point where their wives keep their dick in a jar above the mantle, and it’s time we fought back. And this time, I mean it literally.”

In many major American cities, Whiffle Bats wrapped in duct tape will be handed out to law enforcement officials along with Joe Q. Public, as Tommy Z. calls upon our local citizens to take matters into their own hands. “Some call it lawlessness and anarchy, but I call it doing what’s right for the preservation of men’s men across the globe. Now I’m not condoning any kind of maiming, or life threatening violence, I mean come on, don’t get crazy on me here. But what I do condone is a little Jersey-style justice, you know, let’s just say putting the fear of God into those who offend all that is holy and right. And make no mistake about it – wearing Crocs is unholy and as wrong as it gets.”

In related news, expecting today’s announcement, PlanetZman’s stock (PLTZ) has risen a whopping 26 points in early trading, giving the Nasdaq a much needed boost.

- ZMAN