By Robin Robinson

New contributing Writer Robin Robinson pours us a quick belt of knowledge of God’s golden nectar.

PART ONE – A Most Interesting Bit of History

When you say the word “whisky” in a room of ten people, you get 14 different definitions, not to mention an argument and a fist fight over the missing “e”. Here’s what I learned growing up in Pittsburgh…

• It’s called “Redeye” and you order a shot in a dirty glass after riding in from the dusty range right before you have to shoot someone (from any classic western.)
• Its called CC or VO and you throw one shot of it down your throat while dropping another shot in your Iron City Beer while singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You”. (From the guys at the steel mill on the midnight to 8 shift).
• Its “whisky and bad cocaine” (from Lowell George and Little Feat)
• “Show me the way to the next whiskey bar” (if I have to tell you the answer, stop reading now and crank up your Christopher Cross, sweetie).

Well, they’re all right and all wrong (especially the bad cocaine part). Truth is, whisky -and whiskey – is such an absolutely magical spirit, half full of mystery and half full of legend and mis-information, that it deserves a little time to straighten out the facts. So pick up your pencils kiddies, and write this down, as it will be on the final; and yes, there will be math.

First of all: the Celts and Picts and other (and I’m saying this with love) half-crazed heathens in Britain spoke Gaelic when they talked of the “water of life” as “uisge beatha” (pronounced weeshka-beerrh). Now put that in the mouths of a pack of marauding, illiterate British conscripts, cranked out of their skulls on a flagon of hard-ass grain alcohol and an empty stomach, and you get: “whishka”, and then, “whisky”. In high academic circles, this is known as the etymology of language. Here, its known as drunken soldiers on leave.

You’re STILL the one
Second of all, let’s settle all bar bets: “whisky” is Scotch and Canadian; “whiskey” is Irish and American (I don’t want to hear from the Japanese, Welsh and French, you all came late to the party). Here’s why: up until the mid 19th Century, the predominant whisky in the British Isles was Scottish-style malted pot still whisky in both Ireland and Scotland, made from cereal grains in individual batches, mostly on family run grain farms where they were located. As the quality depended on the water, the grains, the still and the idiot son put in charge of it, a lot of it was not good. In Ireland in 1831, a man named Aenaes Coffey patented the first continuous production still (also known as a “Coffey”, “patent” or “column” still) and is still used to this day for grain whiskies the world over, especially in quantity. The Irish started making some really fine hooch and to distinguish their product over the “inferior” Scottish brew, they added the “e”. Chalk one up for marketing. The Coffey still is responsible for the rise of blended whisky, and later the frugal and resourceful Scots took that and ran with it all the way into the 21st Century.

Run for the hills, here come the revenuers
When it came time to emigrate to the new world, the Scots mostly entered through Canada using Nova Scotia (New Scotland) as a preferred port of entry: starting to see the Canadian Club connection? The Irish mostly entered through New York and Baltimore and in greater numbers (which became much larger during the Irish potato famine). The Scots migrated down the Allegheny and Appalachian mountains (stopping along the way in Western Pennsylvania to cause trouble for a newly minted General Washington during the Whiskey Rebellion) into what is now Appalachia (as in Kentucky and Tennessee). The Irish followed a similar path away from the increasingly crowded East Coast, but later many came up from the South after being conscripted as Union recruits in the Civil War. While the Scots stopped off to make steel with Carnegie in Pittsburgh, the Irish dominated the whisky trade with their improved “Irish whiskey” of the mid-1800s, and packaged along with their tendency to bicker, brawl and feud, they brought an “e” to “whiskey”. With Scottish and Canadian, the plural is “whiskies”; with Irish and American, the plural is “whiskeys”.

The rest is historey.

Robin Robinson is the Brand Ambassador for Compass Box Whisky, a line of hand-crafted, artisanal Scotch whiskies created by John Glaser. Robin first came upon single malt Scotch whiskies in 1984 when he faked his way through hosting a Scotch whisky dinner for a bunch of Park Avenue swells while knowing absolutely nothing about the subject he was talking about. After cleaning off the tar and feathers, he bought his first single malt Scotch and a love affair was born. Since then, Robin has cast a wary eye on anyone calling themselves an “expert”. He edits the whisky blog www.onemalt.com. Compass Box Whisky can be found at www.compassboxwhisky.com and in fine spirits stores near you.