By Izzy Jaecks

“BOOGEDY BOOGEDY BOOGEDY!”
- Darrell Waltrip

What says “exciting” better than a couple thousand left turns?I love NASCAR more than any other motor sport because, I dunno… there’s just something… HONEST about it.  Not a Boy Scout kind of helping little old ladies across the street kind of  “honesty”, but something more… guttural.  Something more… primal.

Every race starts out with an invocation… sure, sometimes other sports do too, but despite all the safety gear the drivers and the cars have, motor sports are significantly more dangerous than anything other sport on foot—I don’t remember hearing about anyone getting killed while attempting a touchdown or sliding into home plate.  Also, all motor sports are EXPENSIVE, and these boys do everything they can to keep the sponsors happy even if it means they have to string together sentences like “our Pontiac Kleenex car was bad to the BONE!” Their uniforms and car skins are a blinding patchwork of logos and stickers saluting every penny that keeps that car running. And, I know that baseball is called the National Pastime, but I’m sorry, with displays from the National Guard, the Thunderbirds, giant flags, fireworks… nothing screams “USA!” more than the opening ceremonies of a NASCAR race.

This race season, FOX Sports is carrying NASCAR for the broadcast market, and they do a great job of making the race make SENSE and entertaining even if you know nothing about racing—on board cameras on many of the cars, cutaway demo cars, blow by blow explanations of pit stops, explaining tire strategies (is the time savings of two tires worth the track position?) onboard radio coverage… and then every once and awhile during the race, they do the “CRANK IT UP!”—for a couple minutes, commentary stops, and your screen is filled with dramatic camera angles almost as heart-pounding as the hottest pornography.

Talladega’s first crash– a ten car pileup—was it’s first caution, which means that the track positions freeze, and everyone slows down to 55 mph—regulated by the pace car since NASCAR cars don’t have speedometers… strategically this is a great time to hit the pits, get a splash of gas (they get only a couple miles to the gallon) and make some quick adjustments.  If your crew is fast enough, you might make it out of pit lane and get back into your original track position, or better if you are REALLY good.   Later… the final lap was the most dramatic I’ve seen in a long time… Carl Edwards seemed to be the sure winner, edging out rookie Brad Keselowski by fractions of a second.  But at speeds upwards of 200 mph, anything can happen… Edwards gets bumped sending him spinning out of control.  There was just enough lift on his car that another car passed just under him launching him airborne, straight at the retaining fence ABOVE the wall (seven spectators received injuries from debris; an unreported number of pairs of underwear were destroyed as well.)  Keselowski took the checkered flag, and Edwards not only walked away from the crash, he RAN across the finish line with a smile and a wave to adoring fans.

Something I like about so many motorsports is that age is almost not a factor.  In football, more than any other American sport, players break down pretty quickly—Brett Favre was considered “old” at 39 years old, but in NASCAR, drivers will race sometimes into their 50s.  Mark Martin, 50 years old this year, just won a race this season and often comes in the top ten for races—and he’s been racing for over thirty years.  On the flip side of that, drivers often start as young as 18 years old, which is usually too young for sports with hard physical contact.  Some, young enough to have pin-up good looks, some old enough to be a man’s man…

And come on—when’s the last time you heard about scandals regarding drivers?  Can you remember any time when Jeff Gordon was busted with a pound of marijuana in his luggage?  Or Dale Jr. was caught with a basement full of illegal fighting dogs?  Or Kasey Kahne was accused of multiple counts of rape?  NASCAR drivers are household names just like any football or basketball player, so if you aren’t hearing about these things happening, they just AREN’T.  Drivers stand in Winner’s Circle with their wives and children, thank God and every member of their team, a grocery list of sponsors… these are the kind of men your daughter can bring home to meet mamma, you can be proud to call “friend”, might even let sample from your best cigar collection…

Let’s go racing, boys.

- IZZY