By Izzy Jaecks

For those of you guys who love the loaf but don’t cook, Izzy Jaecks brings us a recipe that even a primate could make…

Because everything’s better with bacon, a recipe to put a smile on that grizzly face…

I don’t cook beyond heating things.  I don’t even have a grill (or anywhere to use one) so if something is easy enough to ME to make, it’s easy enough for just about anyone to make.  There is almost no measuring to this, and I came up with the recipe just walking around the grocery store trying to think what would be good in meatloaf…. I call it “whole meal” because adding spinach and oatmeal make this a pretty balanced meal all in itself (I like one dish meals).  So I present my Stupid-Proof, Whole Meal Meatloaf:

2 lbs ground beef

1 can chopped tomatoes, mostly drained

8 oz fresh mushrooms, chopped

10 oz package of frozen spinach (thawed…)

3 raw eggs

1 packet soup mix

2 cups “old fashioned” oatmeal

And of course, the very best part of all… one entire package of delicious bacony flavored bacon!

The proportions are what you can find pre-packaged, and even the oatmeal you can just toss in a couple handfuls instead of measuring exactly. Mix it all together in no particular order, stuff it into a bread pan, weave bacon strips across the top and bake it for about an hour and a half at 375.  If there is any leftover mix that didn’t fit into the bread pan, just fry it up like a burger patty.

Variations:   use different kinds of ground meat – turkey, veal, pork… add cheese…

Trust me, you won’t need ketchup, it’s awesome all by itself—and DAMN it’s great as leftovers and sandwiches with some melted cheddar. After I make it I cut it up, chuck it into the freezer, and take pieces to work for lunch. Hey, I’d share some with your guys, but the Zman just devoured the whole pan full!

- Izzy

1958 was a big year for Tuscaloosa. Not only was it the first year that Paul “Bear” Bryant starting coaching at Alabama, but it was the year that John “Big Daddy” Bishop opened his first Dreamland Café. Big Daddy was a mason for many years, which is some hard work. One night he got on his knees and prayed for another way to make a living. That night, he dreamed of opening a café and he made that dream a reality.

The original Dreamland Café is located about two miles from the intersection of Hwy 82 and Interstate 59 just south of Tuscaloosa . In the beginning, it wasn’t just ribs and white bread. Big Daddy cooked a lot of different things, but what made the customers keep coming back was not only the warmth they felt every time they passed through the door, but Big Daddy’s ribs and secret recipe bar-b-que sauce.

Dreamland is still eminently known for bar-b-que ribs. The décor inside the original café is warm and inviting with a big bar, a few tables and booths and a pot bellied stove. It feels like you are attending a family picnic indoors and the ribs are delicious, cooked the same way for the last 50 years. Inside you will meet customers whose family has been coming to Dreamland for generations. Big Daddy always said, “You should be good to the grandparents” and his own children would help customers to their cars and open the door for them. The point is that John Bishop didn’t just open a café- he made a place that was home to his children and his family and extended that feeling of love to everyone that came by.

RIBS & PORK THRU MAIL ORDER? HELLS YEAH!!!

If you are unable to visit one of their 8 Alabama restaurants, you can still enjoy the legendary taste of Dreamland Bar-B-Que ribs, pulled pork, bar-b-qued chicken, hickory smoked sausage, and baked beans delivered right to your door. They ship their USDA inspected ribs and sauce most anywhere. Order online or call them 1-800-752-0544 for more shipping information.

Check This Out…

50th Anniversary Package!
Celebrate Fifty Years of BBQ greatness with asampling of all their products! You’ll get 1 slab of ribs, 1 lb of pork, 1 lb of hickory smoked sausage, 1 quart of our legendary sauce and 1 bottle of dressing. Also included are wet naps, bibs, a loaf of Sunbeam bread and heating instructions.

Good god, I’m ordering five of these. Now what is everybody else gonna eat?

Visit www.dreamlandbbq.com and get some of your own, dammit!

Get Zman’s grill-filled recipe & read this entire story @ www.jrcigarblogs.com

Want to know why I like cows so much? Because they’re made of steak. I LOVE steak and I think all REAL men are carnivores to the max. Now grilled steak brings it up a bunch of notches… rib eye, NY strip, porterhouse, t-bone… yeah baby, now we’re talking. Or, you could choose to crank it up a level and do what I did yesterday.

I wanted to make my 19 year-old daughter, Nicole’s birthday special, so I took a trip to Costco and picked up a three-pound package of filet mignon. That’s one hell of a lotta meat – four humongous steaks that were just begging to hook up with Mr. Weber in my back yard. Actually, my whole family is a bunch of red-meat noshing savages, so spending the extra dough for a great meal was a no-brainer. Now I wasn’t quite done shopping as there was a recipe I always wanted to try – bacon wrapped filet mignon. We all know that EVERYTHING tastes better with bacon and why not take something kick-ass and turn it up a whole bunch of notches… right? Yep.

HEY!… Read the full story & get my recipe by clicking right here @ www.jrcigarblogs.com

There is NOTHING on this Earth like the craving of a White Castle Slider…

“Dad, I’m hungry”, says my son as we drive past Giants Stadium on route 17, in New Jersey.

“I already had lunch, Tommy, what do you want?”

“I don’t know, whats around here, pops.”

And then it happened. We ascended upon the shiny white fortress of hamburger bliss: The one, the only White Castle. “Jeez, I don’t really want to stop here because…”

“Yeah dad…I want Slyders! Oh please pop, I need them – oh my God, I crave them…oh please, oh please!”

Now I didn’t want to stop there because I knew that I would fall to the temptation of the beefy and oniony goodness of a succulent White Castle cheeseburger – or ten. If you love these burgers then you are well aware of the addiction that grabs you by the taste buds and drags you before the Castle’s pearly gates. You could have just eaten Thanksgiving dinner but there will always be room for a sack of those evil Slyders of beefdom.

If you’ve never eaten a White Castle burger, it’s almost hard to explain what it is about them that grips the common man and brings him to his knees. If you were asked why you loved the sunset, you might have no other explanation other than it is so beautiful. And maybe that’s all one can say is that these burgers possess a beauty that can be found in nothing else on this planet. The problem is that if you begin to think about these burgers ahead of time, the Pavlovian response is uncanny and your mind will not clear or function properly. The saliva glands will overflow and brain cells will fire, but they will mimic the sound of small onion bits crackling on the grill in a heap of greasy madness.

Ever see the movie Harold and Kumar go to White Castle? Two college guys spend an entire night trying to get to this place of nirvana, facing one obstacle after another. The more they think about the burgers, the more they lose their minds as they froth with delirious anticipation. Finally upon arrival they order enough for 40 people and devour each and every last one – Of course followed by the obligatory howling belch.

If you have or haven’t ever had a White Castle Burger, the question is basically the same: What the hell are they made of and what makes them so addictive? Maybe a little background information first. White Castle is 87 years-old and is America’s oldest fast food burger restaurant chain. In 1921, two dudes from Wichita, Kansas had a kick-ass recipe and wanted to share it with the world. The problem was that several years earlier the meat packing industry had been exposed for horrendous health and safety violations in the 1906 novel by Upton Sinclair, The Jungle. People were hesitant to eat meat prepared outside of the home, but the two men were determined to change public perception. They built pristine white, pre-fab little buildings with stainless steel interiors and dressed all employees in sparkling white uniforms. But the unique cooking process and the amazing flavor of the burgers is what drove the company’s success.

But the question remains – what the hell is a White Castle burger and what makes it so god damned good – goddammit?! First off, the burgers patties are tiny, wafer thin squares maybe 2 1/2” x 2 1/2” and they have five holes punched through them. They are cooked on a grill covered in a bed of chopped onion bits while the steam and grease rises through the holes. The equally small, square buns are placed on top of the burger as it cooks, allowing the steam and the juices to permeate the bread, creating one consistent flavor throughout. And I still don’t know if I’ve answered what the hell they are because they simply don’t taste like any other burger in the world. They almost resemble particleboard lined in vast rows upon the monstrous grease laden cooking surface. The texture and consistency is like nothing else – steamy, juicy, melty, almost buttery mouth-watery, and mega-greasy. As I said, the flavors of the meat, onion, cheese, pickle, ketchup and bun kind of marries and creates a unique burger eating flavor experience.

Now along with that unique burger eating flavor experience goes a unique bathroom going experience. I know here in New Jersey we also refer to the place as Fart Castle because the gas that is produced by these burgers is also unique to anything else you may have experienced. When that greasy, fat laden mixture hits your colon, alarms sound as the rumbling can be heard from more than 50 feet away. There simply are no farts that carry the deadly, molten stench of a White Castle meal – and that can be verified by those who have suffered the aftershock of late night Slyder run. Offically trademarked as “Slyders” because of the ease one can slide it down the gullet, no mere mortal orders only one or two of these beastly stink producers. The average daytime order is around six, but the gig has always been to see what idiot in the group can eat the most at 3am after a night of drinking and cavorting. My personal record back in the day is 16 but I have seen numbskulls polish off 30 or more and spend the entire next morning spray-painting the porcelain Castle catcher.

Yes, a meal at the WC can cause bouts of sharting that will be long remembered. Not long ago I ingested ten cheeseburgers and my Jeep smelled like a sewerage treatment plant for two weeks. The air quality in the auto was definitely unsafe for human occupancy and the once tan colored seats are now a cavalcade of rustic earth tones. Just as the burgers are unique, the smell and sheer heat of the flatulance produced by these meat squares are patented as well. When the digestive juices mix with the ingredients of a Slyder – the same evil methane is created that took out the ancient city of Pompei. Rumor has it that White Castle corporate is working with the Division of Homeland Security on a combatant for regional terror. My guess is that the ammo produced by a triple cheeseburger and a side of rings could take out an entire gaggle of goat jockeys. Lemme at ‘em – I’ll show those f@#kers a true-blue patriot! (Or a true brown one.)

The nearest Castle to me is 25 minutes away and right now I’m jonesing like a mutha! Lesson to the writer: Never do an article on the beefy goodness of White Castle while scribing on an empty stomach.

- Z

Hey Gabbagool…yeah, I’m talkin’ to you. I got a rib recipe that’ll knock your freakin’ head into the next room. These sons of bitches are so sweet, so tender, so juicy and tasty that I had to whack my neighbor just to get the secret recipe from him. But since you came all the way to Jersey just to see me, I’ll let ya take a look – but don’t tell nobody…capeesh?

All right, I’m full of it. It’s actually my neighbor’s Sal & Carol’s own recipe. You see, we’ve been going to parties at their house for years and when they serve these ribs, everyone goes absolutely insane over them. A platter the size of Rosie Odonnell’s housecoat will disappear in minutes with the crowd begging for more. I’ve never tasted a sauce like this, anywhere, and could never put my finger on it. The flavor is intoxicating and I just had to get the lowdown. So last July fourth we had them over the house, they brought the ribs, and Carol was in a sharing mood and divulged her deep secret recipe to me. And since I am a hell of a guy, I’ll be a real mamaluke and share it with youz guys, too.

The Recipe…
I’ll start by letting you know that it’s not a traditional bbq sauce we use, but a base of molasses and brown sugar. You’re going to slow-cook these bad boys, using both the oven and your grill. Yeah, it’s a little bit of work, but I’d like to consider it a labor of love. Trust me, ya chooch.

Start with a nice rack of baby back ribs. (The Zman is always partial to a nice rack.)
Then we make a rub – Paprika, garlic powder, salt & pepper, cumin, and oregano.
Then we make the sauce –
Molasses – 1/4 cup
Brown sugar – 2 1/2 cups
Ketchup – 1/2 cup
Mustard – 1 tablespoon
Chinese Sweet and Sour Sauce – 2 packets (Go rip ‘em off from Chan’s up the Street)
Soy Sauce – 1 tablespoon
Worcestershire Sauce – 1 tablespoon
Fresh Garlic – 3 – 5 (cloves depending on your love for garlic) thinly sliced
Red Pepper Flakes – 1/2 teaspoon

Place the ingredients into a pot and onto the stove top, stir and bring it to a boil. Turn down the heat and just let it simmer.

Take your rub and coat both sides of the meat evenly.
Place the rack on a cookie sheet, uncovered – and put it in the oven for one hour set at 225.
After an hour, cover it with foil and pop it back in for another  2 hours. This lets it get all steamy in there as it slow-cooks in it’s own juices.

Ok, brutha, you’re ready for the grill. Set it to a medium flame and let the grill top heat up.

Place the rack on the grill top for a few minutes on each side until they get golden brown.

Now it’s time to brush on that sauce with a nice consistency.

Place the ribs back onto the grill again for only a couple of minutes, both sides – until the sauce starts to bubble and caramelize. The outside should get slightly charred and nice and crispy.

After you cut them up, you can pour the remainder of the sauce over the meat while it’s still hot.

And that’s it, my brother. North Jersey Style Killer Ribs to impress the hell out of Paulie, Christopher, Silvio, and Tony. And if Johnny Sacks and Phil Leotardo want some, don’t act like a douche bag – just give ‘em their cut. We don’t want no trouble over here.

Oofah! – Z

WARNING:

Reading this will make you jones for this recipe. Peruse at your own risk & don’t say I didn’t tell you so…

MJ’S DELMONICO STEAK
With Balsamic-Ginger Jus

Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Ingredients:

* 4 14 ounce rib-eye steak
* 2 portabella mushrooms, stems and gills removed
* 12 sundried tomatoes
* 4 fresh rosemary sprigs
* salt and pepper to taste
* Steak Sauce:
* 1 cup beef stock
* 1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
* 1/4 cup fresh ginger, finely chopped
* 1/4 cup shallots, finely chopped
* 1/4 cup carrots, finely chopped
* 1/4 cup celery, finely chopped
* salt and pepper to taste

Preparation:
Combine ginger, shallots, carrots and celery in a saucepan over a medium high heat. Caramelize (that means sauté until browned slightly). Slowly pour in balsamic vinegar, stirring. Reduce by 1/2 and add beef broth. Bring to a boil. Season to taste.

Meanwhile, preheat your grill. Grill steak. Season mushrooms with salt and pepper and place on grill. Grill steak to desired doneness and mushrooms until they are tender. Remove everything from the grill. Cut mushrooms into small triangles. Skewer mushrooms pieces with sun-dried tomatoes on to rosemary sprigs.

Place grilled steak on plate. Top with rosemary skewers and sauce. Serve.

You know what else most chicks won’t do? No, not that you hormonal dirtbag – I’m talking about the great American pastime of barbequing. Almost all chicks rely on the male of the species to char the carcass on an open flame. Give them an oven and one of those little pop-up rectal thermometers and they do a nifty job with a turkey or roast. But when it comes to red meat and savory pork nothing but nothing beats the blackened stripes delivered by a red-hot grill top. When the juices flow and the fat hits those flames there’s nothing that gets the testosterone pumping more than the sweet smell of searing animal flesh. (I’m making grunting noises as I type.)

We Americans seem to live for a good barbeque cook out. All through the year, no matter the weather, guys are gassing the Webers and firing up the Kingsford. My son’s baseball team recently had a doubleheader and we decided it was time to get the grill going – sizzling burgers, crispy dogs, and juicy sausages put us all in a good mood making everyone forget about the ass-kicking the opposition was laying on the boys. I don’t know what it is about a sunny day and a blue sky that makes a barbeque so great, but I’m sure we all agree that it feeds the spirit every bit as much as the stomach.

Real barbeque purists will only cook with charcoal briquets or seasoned wood, claiming the heat and smoke make for the best flavor for any meat. You always see in the barbeque cooking contests on TV that they never use a gas grill, but instead briquets or certain types of wood that give meat like ribs, brisket, chicken or pulled pork that unmistakable smokey flavor. To those in the southern parts of the US, the word barbecue is a noun, where in the north it is a verb. These elitists of barbequdom turn their noses up at those of us who purge the propane tank. But we men of suburbia with little time for anything enjoy the convenient click of the gas grill and the flavor that a nice piece of metallic hardware brings. And you don’t have to spend a fortune to have some of the finer names in grilling either. There’s a good number of high quality gas grills for under $500, including the top names like Weber, Ducane, Fiesta, Char Broil, and Broil King. I personally love my Weber Silver. The neat thing about the Weber design is that by lighting the two outside burners and leaving the middle one off, the grill takes on the effect of a convection oven and the heat circulates around the meat cooking it slower and retaining all the juices. That method is amazing for something like a marinated pork loin. I even do it with thicker steaks like a porterhouse where I first sear both sides on super high heat, then turn the middle burner off and let them continue to cook without burning or drying them out whatsoever. Holy God, I don’t know about you, but I could eat my goddamned foot right now I’m so hungry.

And I ask you – what on this earthly plain is better – and more manly – than lighting up a great cigar while tending the grill and tossing back some ice-cold brews on a beautiful autumn evening? Now we’re talking about one of the greatest pleasures known to mankind. Something about this ritual, this rite of passage that brings the body, mind, and soul to a place of existential bliss. Under these conditions, nervous breakdowns, heart failure, and acts of war could never exist. Fresh air, red meat, and aged cigars are the recipe for a long and healthy life if you ask me.

Again, I really have to thank Prometheus for his contribution to mankind, and the most bogus price he paid because of it. Can you imagine no tailgating, bonfire pep rallies, singing around the campfire, or that damned burning hunk of Yule Tide log at Christmas? And what kind of horrid bore would summertime be without the smell of searing meat wafting throughout the neighborhood? And fer crissakes, how would we light our puros? God bless you, Prometheus – and don’t worry, I’m really not a big fan of liver.