Some kind of strange and unexplainable primal forces are at work when the cleavage is exposed. When a man’s eyes make contact, our breath turns to short little panting noises as a pleasant warmth begins to develop in the nether region. Remember the Seinfeld episode where George stares at the NBC executive’s daughter’s low hanging fruit? Jerry says they are like giant and powerful magnets to the eyes with an effect much like Kryptonite has upon Superman.

Once again, it cannot be explained by mere rationale, but when the globes are in orbit, our eyes MUST make contact. Whether they are small and firm, or large, round and jiggly, it does not matter…we HAVE TO look! We HAVE TO. It’s like some unwritten law in the ancient records, scribed on the walls of the Mayan Temples. The luscious valley between the mighty peaks grips a man’s being much like the Sirens who seduced Homer in the Iliad and the Odyssey. Its spell is intoxicating driving a normal man to the very brink of childish behavior, not to mention – utter stupidity (or is that udder stupidity?)

We males have become masters of our craft. We have studied this vertical space of flesh and nothingness and have learned how to catch that sacred glimpse of nirvana at the perfect time. We look the female in the eyes, smile as we talk, nodding as if we are actually listening to a word the shrew is saying. It’s a peek of the holy grails that we are after and nothing will stop our valiant quest. We use cunning and guile to move their attention elsewhere – and the moment their eyes turn, OUR eyes dive in for the kill.

“Oh, look… that kitten must be lost.” We say with an innocent yet sinister glow.

“Oh, where?” she says, as her head moves about.

“Over yonder, in the bushes” you point, as your pupils all but burn a hole into her chest.

“Where?” she asks, “I don’t see a… um, what are you looking at?”

SNAGGED! You have been snagged! She begins to change the subject while awkwardly tugging her blouse upwards. As she continues to talk, you sit there like a fool – a large pulsating letter “L” is emblazoned upon your forehead as the beauty that once was is buried six miles deep in cotton and polyester fibers.

This previous action on the part of the female, I do not understand, as it confuses the male species here and abroad. Let me explain. A woman wears a shirt or sweater that by her choice, is low cut, as her ta-tas are in full display for all the world to gander. They’re swingin’ high and low, loose and free, giving the male populous the joy we so richly deserve. Yet the moment our woman – this teasing harlot – notices where our eyes are fixed, she folds her arms or grabs the nearest Cosmo to cover up those mountains of grandeur. UNFAIR I say!

I, the Zman, speak on behalf of heterosexual men everywhere on this wretched planet. Women, take heed. When you “CHOOSE” to wear a low cut top that exposes your upper region, DO NOT act so alarmed when we men are gazed upon your earthly beauty. Why do you wear such attire if you do not wish for us to stare? Why do you purposely dress so provocatively, yet cover up the moment we sneak a peek? I’ll be honest, ladies… since my early manhood this phenomena has really irked me to no end. You put the sale rack up on display, but when an interested shopper passes by, the curtains are drawn and the shop is closed. Again, UNFAIR I say!

I have to admit that this very horrid plight happened to me only today and I could not go another moment without speaking up for my fellow man. I was taken aback as my character was unfairly thrown into question. This was rude, degrading, and unjust in every way.

I’m telling you, there really was a lost kitten in the bushes. I swear.

- Zman

As my son has just hit 14 year’s of age – on his way to earning his Mancard – I’ve noticed his interest in girls getting more and more obvious. Each morning before school he hoses himself down with AXE body spray, and when mixed with Fritos for lunch it makes for an interesting middle-school aphrodisiac. Plus he’s doing a lot of Myspace messaging back and forth with the young ladies, which I say, “kudos little dude.”

I was trying to remember my earliest feelings for the opposite sex and it was probably in first grade where I sat in front of Kathy Werbin’s house one Saturday morning for about four hours waiting for her to come outside. I remember my heart pounding, wondering what I would say when we’d hook up. (It’s uncanny how woman make guys do brutally stupid shit – even at six years old.) Finally my patience paid off as she appeared from her garage – and man she was hot – even back then I was particular about looks. I remember she was into GI Joe’s and asked me to play. (It’s funny that GI Joe’s were actually dolls wrapped in testosterone so boys would be tricked into playing with them.) But my little heart was soon plucked from my ribcage as she had to go – a play date with Robert Sandler was scheduled and that was the first time I realized what cruel harlots the opposite sex can be.

It was definitely movies and TV that helped to arouse my nubile senses in the early years. I didn’t know why, but at ten years old I couldn’t take my eyes off of Barbara Eden’s stomach when she donned that genie costume. I used to get warm all over when she pranced around her Cocoa Beach habitat. And even at ten I wondered what the bloody hell was wrong with Major Nelson - I mean for crissakes, come on, man! Forget the fact that she was sizzling hot and was sworn to his every command – the bonehead could have anything he wanted – gold, jewels, cars, homes – but it was always, “Don’t use your powers, Jeannie.” What a friggin ass-tro-NOT.

Those cavorting cougars always had me more worked up more than Laurie Partridge or any of the Brady chicks. Girls my own age didn’t do it for me. I can’t explain it, but I always had a penchant for the older gals. Now I know most guys loved Dawn Wells as Mary Ann, but I was always a Ginger guy, and when Tina Louise strutted about in those slinky nightgowns, I was glued to the tube. (And it wasn’t until I was around 15 that I came to the conclusion that Gilligan, the Skipper, and the Professor were all raging poofters.) I’ve never really dug the “girl next door” type, but more the sultry, buxom bombshell. And as a lad, no one had me standing at full attention more than the incredible Raquel Welch. I was just a kid but I had an amazing appreciation for her killer body, complete with swollen appendages. You can blame God or nature, or the earth’s primal forces, but I was not in control of certain bodily reactions when Raquel appeared on a TV talk or game show. I used to scan the TV Guide when we got it to see if the starlet was appearing anywhere. That same era had the likes of Ursula Andress, Elke Sommer and Gina Lolabridgada, Sophia Loren, Brigette Bardot, and Margaret Nolan - incredibly voluptuous goddesses I couldn’t take my eyes off!

The same unexplainable force that changes the tides and pulls plants towards the sun had me more jacked up than ten Milky Ways and a jug of Bosco. I vividly remember watching Goldie Hawn dance in a bikini on Rowan and Martin’s Laughin, and thinking, “Now that sure as hell beats playing with GI Joe’s.”

Even though she wasn’t provocative, I always dug Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha Stevens on Bewitched. Again, at an early age I recognized her beauty and just being a witch carried a sexiness all of its own. And again, with the ability to have anything he wanted, her retarded husband Darrin suffered from Major Nelson syndrome: “Don’t use any witchcraft to get what we want or need, Sam.” Whether it was York or Sargent, both Darrin’s were most definitely a couple of real “Dicks” when it came to Samantha’s powers.

No doubt today’s TV is a hell of a lot more sex oriented and I realize that my son is subject to those same unexplainable forces that his daddy was driven by. Plus with the internet and its 12,000 naughty sites, my kid doesn’t have to go rooting around my bedroom for pop’s “half-assed” hidden Playboy magazines (sorry dad, but you’ve gotta know I would have found them even if you buried them two miles under the goddamned septic tank.)

Listen, my intent here wasn’t to write a sexist piece and I’m certainly not advocating my kid look at porn or anything like that. I just know at 14 what my son is feeling as I think back to my early days of youth. And there’s no doubt everyone of you guys have similar memories and stories of your own – hopefully to share in the comments section below (and please do so because I’ll most likely need to convince my mother, wife, and daughter that I’m not a raging perverted psychopath, after they read this.)

Glad I could share such nice mammaries.

And hey, if you love the chicks from the sixties and seventies, there’s no better magazine to get your nostalgic dander up than Cinema Retro, published by my good buddy and film (and James Bond) aficionado, Lee Pfeiffer @ www.cinemaretro.com

- Zman

In the early 50’s famed artist George Petty drew and airbrushed the pin-up girls for Ridgid Tools popular calendars. According to the ASIFA Animation Hollywood Animation website:

George Petty was one of the top “cheesecake” illustrators of the 30s and 40s. He began his career with a series of cartoons featuring beautiful girls and their far from handsome beaus. His work coined the term “Petty Girls” to describe the carefully airbrushed girls with brilliant smiles and sexy poses. He left Esquire, to be replaced by Alberto Vargas who we will be featuring here soon, and became a freelance commercial artist. His girls soon ended up gracing magazine ads and calendars for such unlikely products as Tung-Sol Radio Tubes and the aptly named, Ridgid Tools.

Being a huge fan of nostalgia and retro stuff, I love this calendar art and so will you. An interesting note about the artist… He grew up working in his dad’s photography studio where airbrushing was common in the business, but not at all in illustration – until he applied the medium to drawings like these making Petty the pioneer of the technique for illustrators who followed.

Scroll down and check ‘em out…just gorgeous stuff!

VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE!

Tell us who happens to be your favorite RIDGID chick from years back. While March 1953 is incredibly suggestive for it’s day, I think November 1952 would have threaded my pipe with the most precision!

- Zman

Megan Fox just may be the hottest 22 year-old on the planet right about now. The model turned actress has taken Hollywood by storm and yours truly, Tommy Z. was fortunate enough to sit down with this sensational…uh…

…all right, all right – I have a confession to make. I didn’t exactly interview Megan Fox in person. Okay…I may not have really spoken with her at all. I mean come on – you actually think an astonishing, sizzling hottie like her would have anything at all to do with a loathsome jerk-wad like me? Ummmm… nah. So as I fantasized unholy thoughts while Googling her steamy images, I thought I’d just go ahead and write the interview that I’d want to do, as well as the answers I imagine she might give. Aw, don’t be mad at me, this is probably better than any REAL interview I could ever do, and I promise to make you smile. And hey – you get to gawk over a lot of leggy photos that should have a personal defibrillator issued with your log-in.

Heh-heh…heh-heh… I said log-in.

TZ: Hey Megan, thanks for sitting down with me (As under my breath I utter, “Oh my God, you are so stinkin’ hot.”)

MF: And…who the hell are you, anyway?

TZ: I’m Tommy Z. from PlanetZman.

MF: What is that… another dirty old man porn site for a bunch of mid-life crisis looosers?

TZ: No…it’s not porn…I guess you could call it a men’s lifestyle site…you know, everything that guys are into.

MF: You mean beer and hooters? That’s about the scope of it.

TZ: You forgot cars, football and buffalo wings.

MF: And pleasuring yourself to milf sites?

TZ: You’re perceptive for your age.

MF: And you’re fat and creepy. Do you know that you’re drooling?

TZ: God, I hate that…It’s from my mother’s side of the family…something to do with first cousins marrying. Hey listen, a lot of the fans want to know if it was difficult and scary working with those monster robots in Transformers.

MF: WTF Is your problem?

TZ: Is Optimus Prime as nice in person as he is on the screen?

MF: Did your parents have any children that lived, you f@#king retard?

TZ: How do you feel about FHM Magazine voting you the sexiest woman in the world?

MF: A lot better than Sarah Jessica Horseface being named the Un-Sexiest woman alive by Maxim.

TZ: What kind of men turn you on?

MF: Pretty much the opposite of you. Do you even bathe?

TZ: I’ll take that as some sort of twisted backhanded compliment, thank you. In a GQ Magazine interview, you said that you fell in love with a female stripper when you were 18 and used the experience to illustrate your belief that “…all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes.”

MF: And your point?

TZ: Do you admit that you’re bisexual?

MF: Let’s just say I love to devour my meat from both sides of the buffet table. You get a good picture of that in your head, Polack boy?

TZ: Can I sneak off to the bathroom for a minute? I swear it’ll only take a minute.

MF: Can I ask who the hell you bribed to get this interview?

TZ: Well, nobody actually – I’m just making this whole thing up.

MF: Oh, right.

TZ: You’ve got an uncanny nine tattoos on your body, including a poem on your ribcage, a symbol for strength on your neck, your fiancé’s name on your hip, a bull’s eye on your back, a pink flamingo on your upper thigh, and a picture of Marilyn Monroe’s face on yourr right arm. You also has one on your right shoulder that says “We will all laugh at gilded butterflies,” a line from Shakespeare’s play King Lear. Are there any in an undisclosed place that we don’t know about?

MF: I’ll show you, but I WILL have to kill you.

TZ: Something tells me I’ll die with a stupid-ass smile on my face.

MF: Will you look at that…time’s up!

TZ: OH COME ON! THAT IS NOT FAIR!

MF: Life ain’t fair, sweetie – now go take a cold shower and wash that cigar stink from your ass.

TZ: Ah Jeez!…I was THIS close I tell ya…THIS CLOSE! Can I call you sometime? Megan?

She wants it.

- ZMAN

Okay, So I Gathered a Few Photos, Below…

To call Denise Milani sexy is to say that Michelangelo was just some local guy who painted ceilings for a few extra bucks. Guys, this woman is the pinnacle in “stinkin” hot” and while I am an avid fan of cougars of the elder variety, I would gladly spend an evening or ten hanging with the woman who puts the B into buxom – and bossoms and breasts, boobs, bongos, and behemoth boulders.

Denise was born in the Czech Republic and now resides in sunny California, where at 5’ 4’’ her whopping 32 triple DDD’s can be confused for various mountains that protrude from the Golden State. Her bra is like the world’s largest piñata, filled with enough sweet candy to satisfy a party in Yankee Stadium. (I’d like to crack my stick at that.) At 29 years old it may have taken a while for her to gain recognition, but the gal is popping up (and out) all over, and we at Planet Zman just thought it was the right thing to do by sharing a few photos of this titanic topped bombshell.

Not only is Denise known for her sweater bombs, but that gorgeous face, sultry eyes, and alluring smile can cast a spell on men that no mere Siren could accomplish. Put the whole package together and this girl is stunning and will no doubt become a known name in modeling. I really don’t know why I’m writing this drivel as there is no doubt that you are glomming at the photos and have actually forgotten how to talk for a few brief moments.

Hey Denise… careful over there, you’re gonna put somebody’s eye out.

- ZMAN

Shwing! What more can a guy really say?

Burton Love Boards Series – BURTON / PLAYBOY Collaboration

Now you can glide your hot ass through the cold drifts as snowboard maker Burton and Playboy have teamed up to create the Burton Love Series which should be shredding the slopes sometime in late 2008. You can really “bone-up” on your skills as Burton has pushed the envelope with their controversial “bare it all” designs. These awesome boards feature all the latest technology without any of that overrated clothing getting in the way. And the beauty of it all is that you can ride these honeys all day long and they never talk back!

Burton 2008 Love Snowboard Features:

* SHAPE: Twin
* FLEX: Twin
* BASE: Sintered Vision
* CORE: Park Fly II™ Core with Dualzone™ EGD™ and Negative Profile
* FIBERGLASS: NEW Dual Density Triax™ Response
* SIDEWALLS: 10:45™
* EDGES: NEW Park Edge with Rail Ready™ Tune
* EXTRAS: Pro-Tip™, Elliptical Kicks, and Infinite Ride™

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Colibri Xtreme II High Altitude Lighter

If Bear Grylls of Man vs. Wild or Les Stroud, the Survivorman happen to enjoy a good stogie, well, then this is the lighter that will give them both a petrified woodie. Colibri claims this blue-flame torch lighter is the world’s first “high altitude lighter” and works up to 13,000 feet. Plus they claim it is waterproof and will light your precious puro even in the most severest of howling winds. The case has a built-in compass, lanyard, stainless steel belt clip and screw on/off cap.

Now if only it will work after 3 months of use, only time will tell. (If you’re an avid cigar smoker and user of torch lighters, you know what the hell I’m talking about.)

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The Micro-Max 19-in-1 Multi-Tool

This little sucker looks like the Transformer’s Optimus Prime’s baby brother, but in reality is an amazing self contained tool kit that blows away your everyday Swiss Army Knife. It’s rugged, strong, durable, and when folded down, it fits in the palm of your hand. For thirteen bucks you’ve got yourself a regulation, handy-dandy tool kit you can take anywhere. As long as it’s not one of those bad-guy robots, you’ll be just fine. Megan Fox not included. (Damn)
* 2 Hex Wrenches (1/4″, 7/16″)
* 6 Screwdrivers (#0,1,2 Flat and #0,1,2 Phillips)
* Pliers
* Bottle Opener
* Wire Cutter & Stripper
* Wire Crimper
* Hand Drill
* File
* 2 Rulers (mm and inch)
* 2 Ruler Extensions (mm and inch)
* Solid Stainless Steel
* Quick Release from Key Ring

Playboy Cigars were the stars of the evening at the chic P&L Club in Central Hong Kong when Altadis U.S.A. and the Pacific Cigar Co. launched the latest version of this stylish brand on September 26th. The blockbuster event featured an exotic evening of alluring entertainment, press coverage galore and of course, plenty of Playboy cigars.

The P&L Club, also known as Cohiba Atmosphere, is an exclusive, members-only cigar club. Almost all of the members turned out for what was one of the season’s hottest social events, where guests had an opportunity to savor the complex and aromatic cigars featuring the world-famous bunny logo on the band.

The new Playboy Cigar advertising slogan is, “You never forget your first.” Many beautiful models graced the club during the evening, ensuring that guests enjoyed their own unforgettable experience.

The Asian beauties posed for pictures and played cards with guests who purchased a box of Playboy cigars. Members were definitely eager to obtain the elegant new cigar – over 600 Playboys were sold during the event.

Eric Piras, Vice President Sales International for Altadis U.S.A., the world’s largest manufacturer of premium cigars, including Playboy, said, “the evening was superb and this event was different and really exciting. Hong Kong is the first, and we’re planning to repeat the concept in more places in Asia and the rest of the world.”

The stylish and elegant new Playboy offers aficionados a richly flavored, fuller-bodied alternative to the original Playboy by Don Diego. Handmade at the renowned Tabacalera de García in the Dominican Republic, the cigar features a rare, hand-selected Ecuadorian Sumatra wrapper.

CLICK HERE> To Check Out All Sizes of the NEW PLAYBOY CIGAR