I am telling you straight out that Seth McFarlane is a goddamned modern day genius, and at age 34, he is the highest paid screen writer in the history of television, reportedly being paid 100 million dollars by 20th Century FOX. He presently has three series on FOX, has won two Emmy awards, and the world must look like one great big son of a bitch of an oyster to the man.

In 1999 he gave birth to the most insane, brilliant, bizarre, show that has ever aired, the infamous Family Guy. If you’re a fan, then you know how brutally weird the humor is. It speaks to a very wide demographic of generations – from teens to retirees, which has been a massive recipe for success. Oddly enough, the show has been canceled twice, but a huge backlash from the fans and record setting DVD sales forced the people at FOX to reconsider. And now the show has been contracted through 2012 and is a certified billion-dollar franchise.

McFarlane has a personal list of great shows and actors that he idolized as a kid - Jackie Gleason, Woody Allen, All in the Family, and not surprisingly, The Simpsons - and you can see a little bit of each in his characters, who are all certifiably nuts. This New England based dysfunctional family has more issues than Playboy Magazine and the things they say and do each week continue to astound and push the comic envelope way beyond the breaking point.

Peter Griffin, the dad and main character is probably one or two degrees more retarded and infantile than Homer Simpson, and it is amazing that he can somewhat function in the human race. In one episode he sees his doctor for a proctologist exam and when the doc slips on the rubber gloves and prods the Hershey Highway, Peter flips out and sues his physician on rape charges. He tells his wife in a state of terror, “He raped me…he did bad things to me…he took away my innocence.”

One of the stranger characters that has ever graced the tube (which is no longer a tube, btw) is the Griffin’s baby, Stewie - a football shaped headed infant who talks like a cultured socialite and has a recurring desire to kill his mother and take over the world. You know, typical baby stuff. It seems that only the family dog, Brian can hear and understand Stewie, but after nine years, no one is really sure. In one of the funniest scenes I have ever watched in television, Stewie becomes a bookie and takes a $50 wager from Brian (who talks and walks upright) on a boxing match between Mike Tyson and the ancient performer Carol Channing. Of course, Brian picks Tyson - and of course, Channing wins the fight. When Brian steps out of the shower, Stewie is there - inquiring about his money. When Brian gives him a BS story and tries to blow him off, baby Griffin gets medieval on the pooch’s ass – smashing a glass of orange juice into his eye, slamming his head into the toilet, and breaking the towel rod off the wall, beating him within and inch of his canine life. I laughed so hard the first time I saw this that I almost coughed up a lung. Clearly, this is NOT a cartoon for the youngins. In another episode, his mother Lois (the most sensible of this motley crew) forgets to get Stewie from his crib, where in turn the psycho baby replies, “This isn’t some Tommy Lee pool party.” Yeah, holy crap, is right. Make sure to see this crazy scene here in the video section of Planet Zman.

I used to watch a massive amount of television as a kid, but with today’s gathering of pablum puke ridden, un-intelectual, reality driven pap, I find very little to enjoy other than a ball game or a movie once in a while. I’ll still watch the Simpsons when in the mood, Two and a Half men is a very well written comedy, Heroes is pretty cool so far, but I’d have to say that Family Guy keeps me riveted to the screen and I’ll watch four straight repeat episodes in a row on cable. Wondering what these out of bounds characters will say next is what keeps me coming back for more. And I watch faithfully with my 13 year old son as we both howl like giddy morons and high-five during the good parts. Am I setting a good example? Don’t ask me serious questions when I’m in a Family Guy state of mind. Have some consideration.

Ok, are you ready for the most bizarre and jaw dropping fact of all about Seth McFarlane? I will quote direct from Wikipedia because I couldn’t write this any better or different myself… On the morning of the September 11, 2001 attacks, MacFarlane was scheduled to return to Los Angeles on American Airlines Flight 11 from Boston, Massachusetts, after delivering a keynote speech at his alma mater. MacFarlane has stated his travel agent gave him an incorrect departure time (8:15 a.m. instead of 7:45 a.m.) and that he was suffering from a hangover from the previous night’s celebrations. As a result, he arrived at Logan International Airport sometime around 7:30 and was unable to board the flight. Fifteen minutes after departure, American Airlines Flight 11 was hijacked, and at 8:46 a.m. was flown into the North Tower of the World Trade Center in New York City, with no survivors

There is obviously a reason why the good man upstairs spared Mr. McFarlane a tragic fate on the most tragic day in US history. And it looks like his fate was to continue on as the Family Guy for quite some time. “I really can’t let it affect me because I’m a comedy writer,” claims Seth. “I have to put that in the back of my head.”

- Z